How I Went from Loving Carrie Bradshaw to Hating Her

I grew up watching Sex and the City as a teenager. It was this show that made me fall in love with New York City. The city itself was a huge part of the show. Another reason the show drew me in was the friendship between the four main protagonists and the relationship drama. That made me rerun the show countless times through my adulthood. When I started talking about the show with my friends back then, we would wonder who was more of a Carrie, Charlotte, or Miranda. Being naive with a limited worldview, of course neither of us could connect with Samantha. I touted myself as Carrie. Even into my late twenties, I would reminisce about failed relationships and wonder whether my story would have a happy ending like Carrie’s.

From being someone who loved Carrie and couldn’t personally connect with Samantha to someone who dislikes Carrie and deeply respects Samantha, I have definitely come a long way. With every rerun, a realization struck me: WTF is wrong with Carrie? I should clarify that I loved SJP’s portrayal of Carrie and that she is a fabulous actress. It is the character of Carrie, and my own journey through maturity and self-realization, that led me to write this piece.

Before I dig into Carrie’s fuckups, let me pay my tribute to Samantha. Someone who knew what she wanted and went for it. An ambitious, confident, self-made woman who did not pine after men and took care of her own emotional (and physical) needs. Boy, having that kind of confidence and clarity about who you are is an amazing trait.  A quick look at the other two reminds us how irritating Charlotte’s obsession with marriage was, and how Miranda’s insecurities didn’t help either. Don’t get me wrong, I probably have had all of the negative traits displayed by the four women at one point or another in my life. Hence my respect for the seemingly sorted Samantha, who taught me that finding and being yourself is the ultimate goal in life.

Let us get back to Carrie now. Poor Carrie, I used to think. Mr. Big was a jerk, blah blah blah. Boy, how wrong was I. From stalking Mr. Big and his mother at church to constantly needing reassurance that she was “the One,” Carrie made questionable choices from the start. She snooped through Ben’s apartment after barely knowing him, ignored repeated warnings from her friends about Big, and kept going back to him no matter how many times the relationship blew up. I started noticing a pattern: date someone, obsess over Big, get hurt, repeat. At first, I still sympathized with her because I had been a cuckoo, overly attached girlfriend myself. Then came Aiden. Sweet, loyal, dependable Aiden. Carrie claimed to love him, quit smoking for him, and finally seemed to find some balance, only to cheat on him with Big. Even after hurting him, she expected him to be available whenever she wanted and was unsettled when he wasn’t.

The cycle continued. She got back together with Aiden, accepted his engagement ring, and eventually broke his heart again. At the same time, she lived far beyond her means, spent extravagantly, and then acted entitled to Charlotte’s financial help when she couldn’t afford to buy her apartment. Later, she followed The Russian to Paris despite wanting a very different kind of life and romance. What struck me after multiple rewatches wasn’t that Carrie made mistakes. We all do. It was that so much of her life revolved around chasing validation through relationships. Every decision seemed tied to finding fulfillment in someone else rather than building a life that fulfilled her on its own.

Then came And Just Like That. After spending years pursuing Big and finally ending up with him, she eventually questions whether he was a mistake. And with Aiden reappearing yet again, I could only think: here we go.

Looking back, my feelings about Carrie changed because I changed. What once felt romantic now feels self-destructive. The lesson I took from the show isn’t to chase the person who fills a void. It’s to create a life that doesn’t depend on someone else filling it in the first place.

So, all my young readers out there, chase your hopes and dreams rather than someone who you believe will fill a void. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll start falling in love with yourself and respecting yourself more. I will continue to rewatch this show because it’s about so much more than Carrie. And perhaps my changing opinion of her says less about Carrie Bradshaw and more about how much I’ve changed myself