The Geopolitical Rabbit Holes That Got Me Through 2 a.m. Postpartum Nights

I recently gave birth to my darling baby boy and thus began our first encounter with parenthood. Since he is our first, both my husband and I would jump up at every little noise he made, fearing the worst. For the first few months of parental leave, we slept in shifts. One of us was always awake, feeding him and putting him to sleep on demand. Scheduling would come later—this was our time to bond, support each other, and learn what our tiny human needed.

I usually took the late shift, waking up around 2 a.m. and taking over after having a cup of coffee. With prolactin levels being high during those hours, we came to this arrangement, and it worked pretty well for both of us. As one can imagine, the baby would sleep in small bursts, preferably in your arms, giving you a whole lot of free time to watch videos, series, movies, news, or listen to music on your phone with earphones on. Despite the coffee, it took me time to get used to my new routine.

During those early wee hours, when my hands were tied and my daily news video on YouTube got over, it automatically selected a PBS Frontline documentary about North Korea and its leaders. Initial frustration due to my inability to change the content led me to unwittingly watch and listen. Lo and behold, I soon found myself deeply engrossed and ended up watching the entire documentary with great interest. This then became my routine, with PBS Frontline documentaries being automatically suggested—or rerouted—by YouTube every night, or rather, early morning. The next one focused on Russia, followed by the Middle East, Pakistan, and more.

I have been a curious person these past few years, with an interest in geopolitics amongst other topics I read about. I am also the kind of person who cannot sit idle and ends up reading the ingredients on a shampoo bottle if I don’t have my phone or Kindle in the bathroom. Nothing to be proud of, as it makes me more prone to doom scrolling, but I try to look at the positive side. The reason behind my saga is that once I got bored (assuming everybody eventually does) of Instagram, Facebook, TV series, movies, etc., the knowledge I gained from these documentaries kept me engaged and interested, making those nights easier—and even enjoyable.

This made me wonder if knowledge is the ultimate solution to boredom. It could be anything, really—spiritual learning, keeping up with the latest fashion trends, catching up on the latest book you ordered, or even watching videos on how to retile your home. If any of this information increases your understanding of a subject, I would categorize it as knowledge. Usually, when you reach saturation with your current area of interest, that’s when you delve into the unknown and end up finding something new.

I read so much about pregnancy and raising babies during the nine months I was carrying my LO that any new information now feels overwhelming. Like many new parents, I went overboard and eventually realized that while this data is relevant, it’s equally important to let the baby just be. We all have a unique journey, and we need space to let it evolve without interfering. Isn’t that relevant to everything in life?

A few years back, you couldn’t pay me to read about geopolitics. But gradually, as I expanded my view and realized how things—and so many events around us—were connected, my interest in world affairs peaked. Of course, when it directly impacts your life, such as the taxes you pay or immigration policies affecting you, you do tend to pay attention. At the same time, when you sit and reflect on the quality of your life, you may find yourself drawing parallels to a middle-aged woman sitting in Afghanistan, trying to find her voice and hoping for a life of freedom. The more you know, the more it saddens you. But the more you know, the more you appreciate what you have and want to help in any way possible. Even if it’s an online donation—only a small percentage of which may eventually reach the intended cause—it’s better than nothing.

It really is stimulation when you get excited upon laying your eyes (or even lending your ears) on something. This stimulation keeps you interested, awake, excited, and going. Just as you cannot do the same job for a living your entire life, you cannot stay into the same few things forever. In the same way that you want to work on new projects, improve your skill set, and take up new roles at work, your brain needs new sources of stimulation to continue the journey of personal growth—to expand horizons and eventually help you become the person you were meant to be.

There is something to be said about the unexpected comfort of structured knowledge when everything else feels chaotic—the kind of knowledge you can expand through research, the kind that is factual or historical, and the kind that doesn’t make you anxious about the future. That is the knowledge I derive from my travels. Even if it’s just in the moment, I find myself lost in the architecture, traditions, beauty, and history of the places I visit. It’s something rooted in history, something that cannot be taken away from me—something still and moving at the same time. Even if I eventually forget most of the information from walking tours, there will always be a thing or two that stays. And most importantly, it’s the feeling that remains.

The knowledge we accumulate throughout life is what makes us who we are, helps us grow as individuals, and determines the path we carve for ourselves.

And while my days are now filled with diaper changes, feeding schedules, and contact naps, my nights have taught me something unexpected: that curiosity can coexist with exhaustion, and learning can be a form of comfort. As I raise my little one, I hope I never stop leaning into the questions, the stories, and the knowledge that keeps my mind awake—even when my body is tired.